Getting Back to Solid Ground by Nanette Labastida
A cancer diagnosis feels like being knocked sideways, toppled off any semblance of stability and trust you once had in life. Even then, if you feel like you have it somewhat together to march forward, something else will come and knock you the other way, be it some bad news from the oncologist, or simply a wave of grief and fear seemingly out of nowhere, and there you are a curled up mess with no vision of how it’s even possible to continue.
This is when we need to figure out ways to cope, methods of managing the knocks so that we can get back to solid ground quicker and stay on that path longer, maybe easier said than done but having a the metaphorical tool box is always a good thing.
Here are some that have helped me and my coaching clients:
Journaling - just free writing feelings, no one will see, say anything, get it out, one method of journaling I love is one called “rage on the page” - it’s what it sounds like, write all the cuss words, all the angry scary words you might not feel like saying out loud, then if you want, burn that page, let it go. And you can do this as many times as you want
Tapping or EFT (emotional freedom technique) - this is a type of meditation that uses the concept of acupressure to tap on certain points on your body as you focus on an issue and solutions and it calms your nervous system and can change your outlook. It honestly has helped me so much.
Boundaries! Always a challenge to establish and follow through, but getting clear on what is not serving you, what your mind and your body needs and doing your best to let your friends and family know this can do wonders for coping. Sometimes you don’t even need to verbalize it, I’m often “busy” when truly I’m chilling on the sofa watching Law & Order and eating toast. (dang my secret is out)
Community and Connection - it can be so rewarding, affirming and supportive to find and hang out with fellow survivors, in person and online. Fellow survivors are truly the only ones that get it, the only ones you can vent about a side effect, a fear, a success, the cheerleaders and the commiserators. This aspect is often underrated and if you are an introvert it can be a challenge, but even one or two people you can lean on, at this deep level is wonderful.
Getting back to your “old” life is a challenge, sometimes your old friends and your family just don’t get it. Or maybe the fatigue makes it hard to get out, or perhaps you feel self conscious about your appearance during and after treatment, this is all legit. But you get to set the stage, you can tell your family and friends what topic or questions are off limits or how open you want to be. You can leave the gathering early, no need for excuses. As for appearance, just know you are loved, I don’t have an easy solution for this, there are practical ones like wigs if it’s hair that you are shy about. Personally my way of coping with this is a little sparkle make up, my cutest outfit and a corny pep talk in the mirror, with a dash of gratitude of being alive.